Gay = Curse, Guilt = Pain?

I'm guilty! Yes I am. But I deserve to reserve myself...

There is one group that I give my time, effort and talent. I consider them as my friends and even as siblings. I'm a lot older than them so they call me as 'sir'. We had gone a long way and I'll be happy to continue it with them. But one thing happened last night, I heard a tomboy member talking behind my back. She told the other members, "Mama Migz is looking for me" (laughing), and that really surprised me. When she saw me coming, she said "I guess he heard me". I pretended I didn't hear what she said and talked to her casually. After our conversation, I just went to a place where I can be alone. I realized that they're still talking about my sexuality and really curious, or not, they really know about it. Last night I felt really betrayed. I guess that's my natural reaction to that case, I was the one who's really wrong. I shouldn't have been gay, first of all. But it really hurts when somebody is making fun of you when all you did good things for them.

What should I do? In my mind right now, I wish to stop helping them. It will really be sad for me though. *sigh*

Elevator

On the same day last year, while inside the elevator, Reginald got closer to me, saying "Be nice to me". His chest was just in front. of my face. It was like he's teasing me. I can smell his manly scent. My heart almost bursted out because of joy. We were like lovers for that very short time. The elevator suddenly opened. He moved away from me. I can't take off my smile. I just felt happiness.

Night Stalk

There's a hot guy selling DVDs on a street just few walks away from my house. I'm not really a person who'll buy fake DVDs, but I might go back to see him again. :p