Way back in high school, during the time that I am still unaware of my 'too gay' behavior, I joined an organization which I thought can help me defend a classmate from being bullied and of course, to prove my masculinity. It was Citizen's Army Training. That time, I am clueless what kind of environment I'm going into. During the recruitment process, a male officer told me that I would be able to last long on the training, which I want to prove him wrong. Though he seems to be unpleasant towards me, he really caught my attention. You know the feeling of familiarity to a person you haven't really met before? And besides that, I found him really cute.
Training has begun and I felt that I was being petted by that male officer. He asks me to clean his badges, carry his things, and even puts his handkerchief inside my pocket. One time, he asked me give him my pamphlet. When I got it back, he has already filled it with our lessons with his own hand writing. That was the first time I heard 'Military Secrecy', wherein I should not tell everyone of the favor I am receiving from him. We started sending SMS to each other. That time, I was receiving his messages through my dad's phone. Surprisingly, I started receiving letters, small gifts, love songs. My classmates were aware of this, but that time, I wasn't much conscious of my reactions. My 'unlabeled yet relationship' with him became known to other officers. There were times that we sneak off during our training. I felt that we are real lovers. That time, I thought it was just right to feel that way. Most of friends or family saw how I giggled every time I thought of him or received something from him. The ultimate moment that has officially labeled our relationship as 'best friends', (WTF!?!) was when he gave me a cassette tape with his recorded voice about how he feels about me, our friendship, etc. He even included his recorded version of the song 'Destiny'.
Little by little, I became aware of my emotion, my actions, and the people's opinion about us. The same way, we were getting farther and farther with each other. Until we had no communications at all. Since we were in the same school, we had chances to run into each other without any words.
Note: I am listening to 'Spring Waltz Classic OST' while writing this. :)
